I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
