WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
