Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
