He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
