I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
