When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
