Pants 0. Shit 1.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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