she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Randomize
