he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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