oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
