Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
