actually, I'm a sock model
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
