i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
