I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize