you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
