You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.