Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES