do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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