weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
