My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.