i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
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Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.