I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
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Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?