Apparently you make a good broom.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions