I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music