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im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
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