Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
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I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.