Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?

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(330): I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going? http://tfl.nu/4uq9

Replies (49) Good night (1307) Bad night (20876)
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(434): View more from Virginia

you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"

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(434): you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek" http://tfl.nu/8u1v

Replies (10) Good night (3770) Bad night (1012)
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(954): View more from Florida

I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

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(954): I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M http://tfl.nu/v1d0

Replies (26) Good night (7924) Bad night (1295)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.

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(413): then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man. http://tfl.nu/6mq0

Replies (39) Good night (1184) Bad night (11423)
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(713): View more from Texas

Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.

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(713): Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success. http://tfl.nu/wlhs

Replies (9) Good night (5500) Bad night (963)
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(619): View more from California

yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work

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(619): yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work http://tfl.nu/e66y

Replies (11) Good night (4057) Bad night (1041)
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(380): View more from Ohio

She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time

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(380): She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time http://tfl.nu/cp8c

Replies (5) Good night (1298) Bad night (2720)
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(630): View more from Illinois

my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win

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(630): my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win http://tfl.nu/ctc5

Replies (2) Good night (1285) Bad night (814)
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(802): View more from Vermont

i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face

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(802): i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face http://tfl.nu/in3q

Replies (6) Good night (839) Bad night (1766)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.

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(740): Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow. http://tfl.nu/oilf

Replies (11) Good night (1515) Bad night (1198)
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(714): View more from California

She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.

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(714): She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar. http://tfl.nu/8m40

Replies (4) Good night (1730) Bad night (711)
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(312): View more from Illinois

He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.

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(312): He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work. http://tfl.nu/lc9m

Replies (12) Good night (1050) Bad night (694)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around

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(717): Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around http://tfl.nu/yfqo

Replies (13) Good night (874) Bad night (372)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck

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(215): it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck http://tfl.nu/odm7

Replies (3) Good night (609) Bad night (316)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.

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(864): I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it. http://tfl.nu/yrj2

Replies (0) Good night (333) Bad night (151)

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