if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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