I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
