Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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