How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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