Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
