Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
