I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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