O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
