you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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