you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
