my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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