What did we do last night that was yellow?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
