he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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