just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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