I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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