god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My balls are so social today.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
