he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
