So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
