Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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