Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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