We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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