I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
