Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
