I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
