I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
