is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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