I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
