Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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