Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
