good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
