Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
