I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
