Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
