no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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