It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
