I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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