Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
