I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
