he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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