It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
