I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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