I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
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My ATM looks so different sober.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
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I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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