you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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