actually, I'm a sock model
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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