guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
