I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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