shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize