Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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