my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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